good morning to you too, morning-breath.

i stay classy even while i sleep.

bearded lady!? i’ll put you in a freak show.

i’d swear you keep bacon in your pockets.

tequila. (enough said.)

i hate tan lines.

i’ve drastically improved my typing skills. the bitch is back.

i got a man.

yeah, i get it. the heater is hot, i’m a dog. hot dog. it’s just not funny.

someone is getting a lump of poop in their stocking come christmas.